Suprise..He is alive. He made it. 4 consistent days of whining and moaning and crying. I thought and prayed..if this thing didnt kill him..I would. I really kept my patience with him. I am suprised. Really and truly suprised. I thought no one had noticed. I thought all my hard work and patience and understanding and love; I thought my jello and soup making skill had all gone unnoticed.
As we sat down for dinner and we were reminded that we needed to say grace, we grabbed hands and bowed our heads. He took the lead and started to say Grace "Dear Baby Jesus, little Baby Jesus we thank you for this food, we thank you for letting me feel better and so quickly and most of all thank you for Lea. Thank you for her patience and for caring for me while I was sick and for her not killing me. Amen"
AMEN! Yea, he was a big whiney complaining baby..but that is my big baby and I finally got my MAN back. Thank you Baby Jesus for that!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Men are babies
So my boyfriend is 31 and I think he is dying. Correction..HE thinks he is dying. He has strepped throat. It was a soar throat from Friday until Monday and then he finally went to the Dr (he works in a hospital) this morning and got some real medicine.
So start with last week when he starts to feel his throat hurt and is ache..he wont take anything for 2 days and then finally he just takes whatever. He is in pain and moaning, but he wont stop. He wants to do this and that, he stays up late and doesnt want to rest. Whatever. I had just lectured him that if he didnt slow down he would kill himself.
He moans so loud that I rush to him thinking that maybe its his last breath. Maybe today is the day I say goodbye to the love of my life. He is tossing and turning and I can hear him groaning so loudly he has the dog going nuts.
I hear over and over in this coarse voice..my throat hurts. I get text messages saying that his throat hurts..and thats it.
He is a bit grumpy..snaps a little but I know he doesnt mean it. He is in pain, I can see it as he tries to choke down his soup. I try to fluff his pillows and make him comfortable, I try to bring him his medicine on time and keep him hydrated. He is in pain, I mean his throat hurts, feel it, he tells me over and over (and when I do he yells " Oww")
I run out to the store and by potatoes, maybe that will be easier for him to swallow. I even buy jello. He looks up like a sad little puppy dog and faints a "thank you".
I know he is in pain, I also know that he is a 31 year old man, who has fought in combat four different times. He has weathered many a storm, but I think he has met his match. I get this urge to roll him up in a blankie and give him a pacifier and hold him in my arms. I want to sing to him and rock his precious little face. I want to tell him how much I love him and kiss his forehead over and over again, reminding him that he will get better..but I wont. Its hard enough right now not to laugh at him. His pain isnt funny, it really isnt. What is funny is how pathetic he looks and how pathetic he allows himself to look. I appreciate that he is secure and trust me enough to look so vulnerable but if we are being honest (and face it, that is the only way I know how to be) its kind of sad. I want my big burly strong man. I want my tough guy who would break a mans neck in one snap. Where is he? Oh he is there, he is lying on the couch, wearing his stinky pajamas, spitting into a Gatorade bottle because it hurts too bad to swallow. Yup, that is my big strong man..thats him there hiding under all that sad dying moaning and groaning.
He wont die. I promise him that, but I still dont think he believes me.
So start with last week when he starts to feel his throat hurt and is ache..he wont take anything for 2 days and then finally he just takes whatever. He is in pain and moaning, but he wont stop. He wants to do this and that, he stays up late and doesnt want to rest. Whatever. I had just lectured him that if he didnt slow down he would kill himself.
He moans so loud that I rush to him thinking that maybe its his last breath. Maybe today is the day I say goodbye to the love of my life. He is tossing and turning and I can hear him groaning so loudly he has the dog going nuts.
I hear over and over in this coarse voice..my throat hurts. I get text messages saying that his throat hurts..and thats it.
He is a bit grumpy..snaps a little but I know he doesnt mean it. He is in pain, I can see it as he tries to choke down his soup. I try to fluff his pillows and make him comfortable, I try to bring him his medicine on time and keep him hydrated. He is in pain, I mean his throat hurts, feel it, he tells me over and over (and when I do he yells " Oww")
I run out to the store and by potatoes, maybe that will be easier for him to swallow. I even buy jello. He looks up like a sad little puppy dog and faints a "thank you".
I know he is in pain, I also know that he is a 31 year old man, who has fought in combat four different times. He has weathered many a storm, but I think he has met his match. I get this urge to roll him up in a blankie and give him a pacifier and hold him in my arms. I want to sing to him and rock his precious little face. I want to tell him how much I love him and kiss his forehead over and over again, reminding him that he will get better..but I wont. Its hard enough right now not to laugh at him. His pain isnt funny, it really isnt. What is funny is how pathetic he looks and how pathetic he allows himself to look. I appreciate that he is secure and trust me enough to look so vulnerable but if we are being honest (and face it, that is the only way I know how to be) its kind of sad. I want my big burly strong man. I want my tough guy who would break a mans neck in one snap. Where is he? Oh he is there, he is lying on the couch, wearing his stinky pajamas, spitting into a Gatorade bottle because it hurts too bad to swallow. Yup, that is my big strong man..thats him there hiding under all that sad dying moaning and groaning.
He wont die. I promise him that, but I still dont think he believes me.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Someone pray for me..
So while in church this Sunday, the Father was up front speaking the good word. I was into it, I enjoy hearing what the old man has to say about the Big Man! I look down at my 4 year old that is quiet as a mouse..but I hear this voice..this childs voice. Talking. Loudly. This boy..maybe 6 is having a full fledged conversation with his mother. A mother who was talking back to him. Mind you, SHE was whispering, but the concept was lost on this little boy. I am astounded. I am distracted. I am trying so hard to pay attention to what is being sad. I cant. I look over again at this family sitting in front of me and I watch this conversation going on in front of me, I watch an old lady shoot them a dirty look and then move 2 pews in front, she left her purse and her husband and moved closer to the Priest to hear his words. I watch as familys all around stare down this lady.
I can see that we are all praying for the same thing..that this kid would shut up. That his mother would tell him to shut up or at least pull him out and explain to him that he isnt there to talk, he is there to listen.
I am Catholic..it is a written rule that you dont talk during church, has been since at least I was a little girl.
Now my blood is boiling..God cant hear our prayers over this little boy talking..I am so distracted by the fact that he just didnt stop. He didnt take a breath, how was this boy still sitting up without breathing..he must have gills..so now my thoughts turned from the beautiful lesson being taught to me this week..God is good, God is..oh how I wish this little boy would stop...finally when I cant take it any more, when I can feel the feeling of euphoria I get walking into Church leave my body, I cant hold it in anymore. My prayers for strength to not strangle the kid arent being answered. I pray..please God..Please if he cant stop talking..please give me the strenght to make it 30 more minutes without popping him in the back of the head.
God isnt answering..finally..I say as loudly and for as long as my deep breath would allow.."SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH".
I can only hear giggles now..I can see looks of amusement from people around me, but most of all I can finally hear the beautiful words of the Lord..he is telling us that we are to be genorous to our fellow man, that we are all brothers and sisters and children of God..AMEN. I agree. (oh crap..he started talking again. We had at least a moment of silence). Ok, so a normal person would have taken that as a sign to forgive the boy and his family..to let it pass because we are a loving and forgiving people, because we are all God's children..well..I am not normal..All I can think about is...we are brothers and sisters..if it was by brother running his mouth during Church, I would smack him upside his head..so if this kid and his mom are my bro and sis..it would be ok to smack them upside their head.....
This is now the time that we are to extend a hand and offer peace to those around us. My boyfriend reaches over first and kisses me on the check and ever so calmly (a rarity) says to me he loves me and looks me in my eyes with that look that says "relax", I know what he is thinking, because he knows what I am thinking. So I smile. I offer my hand to those around me (ok, behind me because lets face it, I have not reach the level of calmness I need to extend a hand to this rude mother). I look back and I put my head down and say another silent prayer, for this kid, for his mother and for me.
I walk out of there knowing that God probably isnt entirely ok with my attitude this morning, he probably is a little disappointed that I lost my cool and had the thoughts I had, but you know what, if today was the day He chose to talk to me, I didnt hear him over that little boy talking.
I can see that we are all praying for the same thing..that this kid would shut up. That his mother would tell him to shut up or at least pull him out and explain to him that he isnt there to talk, he is there to listen.
I am Catholic..it is a written rule that you dont talk during church, has been since at least I was a little girl.
Now my blood is boiling..God cant hear our prayers over this little boy talking..I am so distracted by the fact that he just didnt stop. He didnt take a breath, how was this boy still sitting up without breathing..he must have gills..so now my thoughts turned from the beautiful lesson being taught to me this week..God is good, God is..oh how I wish this little boy would stop...finally when I cant take it any more, when I can feel the feeling of euphoria I get walking into Church leave my body, I cant hold it in anymore. My prayers for strength to not strangle the kid arent being answered. I pray..please God..Please if he cant stop talking..please give me the strenght to make it 30 more minutes without popping him in the back of the head.
God isnt answering..finally..I say as loudly and for as long as my deep breath would allow.."SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH".
I can only hear giggles now..I can see looks of amusement from people around me, but most of all I can finally hear the beautiful words of the Lord..he is telling us that we are to be genorous to our fellow man, that we are all brothers and sisters and children of God..AMEN. I agree. (oh crap..he started talking again. We had at least a moment of silence). Ok, so a normal person would have taken that as a sign to forgive the boy and his family..to let it pass because we are a loving and forgiving people, because we are all God's children..well..I am not normal..All I can think about is...we are brothers and sisters..if it was by brother running his mouth during Church, I would smack him upside his head..so if this kid and his mom are my bro and sis..it would be ok to smack them upside their head.....
This is now the time that we are to extend a hand and offer peace to those around us. My boyfriend reaches over first and kisses me on the check and ever so calmly (a rarity) says to me he loves me and looks me in my eyes with that look that says "relax", I know what he is thinking, because he knows what I am thinking. So I smile. I offer my hand to those around me (ok, behind me because lets face it, I have not reach the level of calmness I need to extend a hand to this rude mother). I look back and I put my head down and say another silent prayer, for this kid, for his mother and for me.
I walk out of there knowing that God probably isnt entirely ok with my attitude this morning, he probably is a little disappointed that I lost my cool and had the thoughts I had, but you know what, if today was the day He chose to talk to me, I didnt hear him over that little boy talking.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Sad, some people shouldnt get to live
I just saw on the news about a "mother" of a 2 year old boy and twins who had no idea that her diabetic 2 year old son was floating in her backyard pool. For hours. She had no idea where that angel was and didnt look. She took a stroll to the store (alone)..likely to by cancer sticks, alcohol or drugs and then took a 4 hour nap. It wasnt until her mother came home and asked for the boy..and then found him in the pool. The grandmother called 911 and told them NOT to send a medic..send the police, the boy was dead.
This after her and this "mother" debated if they should just bury the boy somewhere..she didnt want to get in trouble. She made statements later to the affect that at least now she didnt have to worry about him and is diabetes and that is no longer going to suffer becuase of the diabetes. I am sure he wasnt sufffering as his lungs filled with water and he cried out for his mommy to help him, for anyone to hear his cries.
I pause here in my writing..I pause because my thoughts move to an anger that cant be expressed. A million things go through my head. How dare this..I will say women because no mother would have done this..how could this women dare think she had a choice. I dont believe in abortion, I dont preach because a choice is a choice, but for me I dont agree with it, but I cant see where this women's mother having an abortion would have been a bad thing. This women would then not have these children just to torture them. I say torture because my money is on the fact that she didnt spend the first years of this kids life showering him with nothing but love..lets be honest.
If you dont want your babies, why pretend? I have so many words for this monster. So many things as a mother, as a daughter that I would like to say to her. There are so many evils in the world, but the one thing a child should always count on is their MOTHER.
I am not going to rant on with my anger, instead I will say that I pray for that baby and know that he is in heaven were he is getting the love he so deserved down here..I pray that her twins are NOT allowed to stay with the grandmother, because although she may have been the only one to notice that baby boy was missing, she allowed this monster to be around those kids. Had it been me I think they would have been collecting 2 bodies from the house that day and I would have been the one in cuffs.
I pray that that women remembers every moment of every day the pain that perfect angel went through as his last breathes were being taken from him. I hope she see his face when she closses her eyes, I hope that for a moment everday her lungs fill with water and she cant take another breath. I hope she suffers and she lives a very long life suffering every moment of everyday.
I am in awe of what has happened. I am in utter shock of how little remorse she seemed to have for the death of her child. No child deserves to have someone like that in their lives.
This is sad. This is the saddest thing I have heard in a long time. This wasnt just neglect. This was evil at its finest. I have a 2 year old and I know where he is at every moment. I have a 4 year old and I know where she is at every moment. We have a 9 year old and know where he is at every moment. I am sad because I am not Mom of the year, I lose my patience and I get angry and I yell at them. I tell them to be quiet alot and I get so frustrated with them. I admit it. All my faults, but I love my kids, I breathe for my kids. I need my kids. I would throw myself in front of a bus for my kids..I am sad because that little boy never got to know just a smidgen of a a mothers true love. I didnt know him..I dont know his name but I know he can have some of my love. Ill give him all that I got.
I believe he is an angel.. I believe that the person he is watching over in heaven is one of the most blessed people. I hope he knows that not every mother is like that, this poor kid got the short stick..My tears fall for him and my heart hurts for him and his brother and sister. I am ending this now..I have kids to hug.
This after her and this "mother" debated if they should just bury the boy somewhere..she didnt want to get in trouble. She made statements later to the affect that at least now she didnt have to worry about him and is diabetes and that is no longer going to suffer becuase of the diabetes. I am sure he wasnt sufffering as his lungs filled with water and he cried out for his mommy to help him, for anyone to hear his cries.
I pause here in my writing..I pause because my thoughts move to an anger that cant be expressed. A million things go through my head. How dare this..I will say women because no mother would have done this..how could this women dare think she had a choice. I dont believe in abortion, I dont preach because a choice is a choice, but for me I dont agree with it, but I cant see where this women's mother having an abortion would have been a bad thing. This women would then not have these children just to torture them. I say torture because my money is on the fact that she didnt spend the first years of this kids life showering him with nothing but love..lets be honest.
If you dont want your babies, why pretend? I have so many words for this monster. So many things as a mother, as a daughter that I would like to say to her. There are so many evils in the world, but the one thing a child should always count on is their MOTHER.
I am not going to rant on with my anger, instead I will say that I pray for that baby and know that he is in heaven were he is getting the love he so deserved down here..I pray that her twins are NOT allowed to stay with the grandmother, because although she may have been the only one to notice that baby boy was missing, she allowed this monster to be around those kids. Had it been me I think they would have been collecting 2 bodies from the house that day and I would have been the one in cuffs.
I pray that that women remembers every moment of every day the pain that perfect angel went through as his last breathes were being taken from him. I hope she see his face when she closses her eyes, I hope that for a moment everday her lungs fill with water and she cant take another breath. I hope she suffers and she lives a very long life suffering every moment of everyday.
I am in awe of what has happened. I am in utter shock of how little remorse she seemed to have for the death of her child. No child deserves to have someone like that in their lives.
This is sad. This is the saddest thing I have heard in a long time. This wasnt just neglect. This was evil at its finest. I have a 2 year old and I know where he is at every moment. I have a 4 year old and I know where she is at every moment. We have a 9 year old and know where he is at every moment. I am sad because I am not Mom of the year, I lose my patience and I get angry and I yell at them. I tell them to be quiet alot and I get so frustrated with them. I admit it. All my faults, but I love my kids, I breathe for my kids. I need my kids. I would throw myself in front of a bus for my kids..I am sad because that little boy never got to know just a smidgen of a a mothers true love. I didnt know him..I dont know his name but I know he can have some of my love. Ill give him all that I got.
I believe he is an angel.. I believe that the person he is watching over in heaven is one of the most blessed people. I hope he knows that not every mother is like that, this poor kid got the short stick..My tears fall for him and my heart hurts for him and his brother and sister. I am ending this now..I have kids to hug.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
To be or not to be...fat...
Oprah's show today was about women who are overweight because they over eat because of emotional problems. I watched for just a few minutes and then I turned it off. It wasnt interesting to me..I know that when I am bored or sad I eat..I eat horribly most times just as a part of daily life! I dont need Oprah to tell me!
So as I wait for that hour to pass..channel turned to 3 so that I dont miss a moment of Dr. Phil, I surf the web and yes, dig into a bag of yummy BBQ chips.
Dr. Phil comes on and its about an anorexic women! I cant turn it away..my eyes swell full of tears.
As a women, I have had my battles with those pesky numbers on the scale. I was skinny growing up (with a booty that knocked stuff off of shelves)..I hit 18 and my thighs decided to wage war against each other and spread as far apart as they could. Now I was a size 13 from since I could remember, with 185 being the most I weighed. I have had 2 kids, that havent helped the situation.
Finally last year after after 1 week (1 month is more like it but that is our secret) of eating everything in site (my boyfriend had deployed and I was sad..to say the least) and just like Oprah and her peps said today, I fed my sadness..literally. I dont know how much I gained, all I knew is that this wonderful man was going to be gone for 6 months..and he left a big girl behind (fell in love with me when I was a big girl, I remind him). I couldnt let him come back to me bigger. I didnt feel good. I felt sick. Food didnt have a taste to me anymore, it was just something for me to do. My kids would poke at me like the blob as I laid on the couch eating ice cream.
There isnt one defining moment in that week or two that made me change, but I did. I stopped eating everything under the sun. I changed everything about how I ate and in that 6 months, I lost almost 30 lbs. Amazing! I didnt excercise too much and I still drank soda and beer and my burgers, but I did it alot less. I felt great. I was a new women!
He has been home almost a year now and I have still kept the weight off..yea for me..Here lies the problem: I can lose more. I would still like to lose about 10-15 more lbs. Crazy if you seen my body. NO I am not skinny (in my eyes), I am thinner I agree. I still have problem areas..dont we all! Every women I know is always trying to make improvements to their body. I am. I refuse to diet. I do! Plain and simple. I refuse to excercise regularly. I do when I am feeling it and I like to run when time allows. I would love to be a little bit thinner. Love it.
So why dont I try? Because I am realistic. I see that if I really truly lost more weight, I wouldnt be healthy. I would have to eat less and in turn lose energy and strenght.
I am happy right now. I eat when I am hungry, I eat what taste good and I eat when I want! But in the last 2 hours of tv I have seen self proclaimed "fat" people and they are NOT happy..they arent happy with their weight and they arent happy with their lives in general. ok, so solution simple: lose the weight.
I am watching a skinny women..literally skin and bones..and shocker! She is NOT happy! Unhappiness all around. I think people shouldnt be unhealthy, period. I dont care what you weigh. I dont want people to suffer with too much fat that they cant live a life..but I dont want anyone to lose their life because they cant function because they have no fat.
So I guess what I am trying to say..be happy. be healthy. I still see a fat girl in the mirror..I fluctuate from 135-140 from week to week, to the point that I have stopped getting on the scale, because that isnt what is important to me. What is important is that I feel good. I can tell you when I am going over the 140 mark..and I cut back. I run. I put away the chips. But I do that for me. Not for anyone else.
So I say to you....to be..or not to be....happy!
So as I wait for that hour to pass..channel turned to 3 so that I dont miss a moment of Dr. Phil, I surf the web and yes, dig into a bag of yummy BBQ chips.
Dr. Phil comes on and its about an anorexic women! I cant turn it away..my eyes swell full of tears.
As a women, I have had my battles with those pesky numbers on the scale. I was skinny growing up (with a booty that knocked stuff off of shelves)..I hit 18 and my thighs decided to wage war against each other and spread as far apart as they could. Now I was a size 13 from since I could remember, with 185 being the most I weighed. I have had 2 kids, that havent helped the situation.
Finally last year after after 1 week (1 month is more like it but that is our secret) of eating everything in site (my boyfriend had deployed and I was sad..to say the least) and just like Oprah and her peps said today, I fed my sadness..literally. I dont know how much I gained, all I knew is that this wonderful man was going to be gone for 6 months..and he left a big girl behind (fell in love with me when I was a big girl, I remind him). I couldnt let him come back to me bigger. I didnt feel good. I felt sick. Food didnt have a taste to me anymore, it was just something for me to do. My kids would poke at me like the blob as I laid on the couch eating ice cream.
There isnt one defining moment in that week or two that made me change, but I did. I stopped eating everything under the sun. I changed everything about how I ate and in that 6 months, I lost almost 30 lbs. Amazing! I didnt excercise too much and I still drank soda and beer and my burgers, but I did it alot less. I felt great. I was a new women!
He has been home almost a year now and I have still kept the weight off..yea for me..Here lies the problem: I can lose more. I would still like to lose about 10-15 more lbs. Crazy if you seen my body. NO I am not skinny (in my eyes), I am thinner I agree. I still have problem areas..dont we all! Every women I know is always trying to make improvements to their body. I am. I refuse to diet. I do! Plain and simple. I refuse to excercise regularly. I do when I am feeling it and I like to run when time allows. I would love to be a little bit thinner. Love it.
So why dont I try? Because I am realistic. I see that if I really truly lost more weight, I wouldnt be healthy. I would have to eat less and in turn lose energy and strenght.
I am happy right now. I eat when I am hungry, I eat what taste good and I eat when I want! But in the last 2 hours of tv I have seen self proclaimed "fat" people and they are NOT happy..they arent happy with their weight and they arent happy with their lives in general. ok, so solution simple: lose the weight.
I am watching a skinny women..literally skin and bones..and shocker! She is NOT happy! Unhappiness all around. I think people shouldnt be unhealthy, period. I dont care what you weigh. I dont want people to suffer with too much fat that they cant live a life..but I dont want anyone to lose their life because they cant function because they have no fat.
So I guess what I am trying to say..be happy. be healthy. I still see a fat girl in the mirror..I fluctuate from 135-140 from week to week, to the point that I have stopped getting on the scale, because that isnt what is important to me. What is important is that I feel good. I can tell you when I am going over the 140 mark..and I cut back. I run. I put away the chips. But I do that for me. Not for anyone else.
So I say to you....to be..or not to be....happy!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Mexican/American, who's right?
So there is this big deal about some kids wearing an American flag on Cinco de Mayo. In the good ole US of A! Let me start my rant by saying I am both Mexican and American aka White. My mother's father is from Mexico and came here when he was young. He just recently became a citizen and has worked everday since he came to this great country until he retired from the railroad. He speaks english, pays his taxes and has never recieved government assistance. He is very old school mexican. Raised his family with the culture and spoke to his family in spanish. He has a strong accent and looks fresh from the border. He is a good man. He is a proud man. He is a mexican man that is a citizen and has never displayed the Mexican flag. He is proud of his heritage and culture. He is proud to be Mexican, but equally proud and grateful to have lived, worked and raised a family here, on American soil.
My dad and his family are from Ohio. Whitesville, Ohio. Same strong work ethic, my grandparents raising good english speaking kids.
I was raised with a perfect balance. I love Mexican food, have a hard work ethic and speak/understand just ehough spanish. I love both parts of my family and who I am.
I graduated from school in Las Vegas and I remember hearing something about freedom of speech. I remember hearing about God giving us free will. So I ask you, in a time that we have men and women in other countries fighting for their freedom, in a time that these men and women are fighting for our freedom, in a time that of our free will we band together to help those that are in need, why are telling kids that they can not wear an American flag? Why can we not show our patrionism? Cinco de Mayo isnt even a real Mexican holiday and I say even if it was...its a Mexican holiday, we are in American. But here is the beauty of things..because we are in America we have the right, we legally can say and wear what we please. Do we arrest people for displaying their countries flag in their car windows or outside their homes or even from speaking their native tongue? NO..we dont, and I am ok with that. In a time that our kids are forgetting to take their hats off when the National Anthem is being played, or refuse to stand and respect the flag and Pledge of Allegiance...in a time that kids are taking for granted the freedoms they are allowed, that they born with, they want to wear an american flag? why? to tell those "mexicans" that this is our country? Or to somehow diminish this "mexican" "holiday"?
Who was there to stop these "mexican" kids from wearing a mexican flag? No one. Does this mean all Star of Davids should be hidden on Christmas? We live in a country that we can choose for ourselves. In a country that we are free..the land of the free..the land in which people come to for a chance at a better life..why not celebrate it? Why not wear our flag with pride? Why persecute those kids for it? Are we becoming so sensitive that we cant accept an American flag?
You know what I think? I think screw you all. I think the person who made the choice to come to this country needs to accept ALL our rights and the same for those fortunate to be born here (like me, thank God). Nobody gets to pick and choose which ones you like and which ones only apply to you or me! That being said, to all you Americans that feel entitled and think you dont need to show other people respect..grow up. Understand we are all different, we all have different past and heritages and I am proud to be an AMERICAN..but I wont deny that I love my MEXICAN roots..so you ask me..when I wake up in the morning and pull that shirt over my head, will it be an American or Mexican flag..well if we are being honest, the only thing I know for sure is I will be wearing a shirt..because that is a law here in the land of the free..but personally I wont be wearing either flag..the colors for both flags clash with my eyes!
My dad and his family are from Ohio. Whitesville, Ohio. Same strong work ethic, my grandparents raising good english speaking kids.
I was raised with a perfect balance. I love Mexican food, have a hard work ethic and speak/understand just ehough spanish. I love both parts of my family and who I am.
I graduated from school in Las Vegas and I remember hearing something about freedom of speech. I remember hearing about God giving us free will. So I ask you, in a time that we have men and women in other countries fighting for their freedom, in a time that these men and women are fighting for our freedom, in a time that of our free will we band together to help those that are in need, why are telling kids that they can not wear an American flag? Why can we not show our patrionism? Cinco de Mayo isnt even a real Mexican holiday and I say even if it was...its a Mexican holiday, we are in American. But here is the beauty of things..because we are in America we have the right, we legally can say and wear what we please. Do we arrest people for displaying their countries flag in their car windows or outside their homes or even from speaking their native tongue? NO..we dont, and I am ok with that. In a time that our kids are forgetting to take their hats off when the National Anthem is being played, or refuse to stand and respect the flag and Pledge of Allegiance...in a time that kids are taking for granted the freedoms they are allowed, that they born with, they want to wear an american flag? why? to tell those "mexicans" that this is our country? Or to somehow diminish this "mexican" "holiday"?
Who was there to stop these "mexican" kids from wearing a mexican flag? No one. Does this mean all Star of Davids should be hidden on Christmas? We live in a country that we can choose for ourselves. In a country that we are free..the land of the free..the land in which people come to for a chance at a better life..why not celebrate it? Why not wear our flag with pride? Why persecute those kids for it? Are we becoming so sensitive that we cant accept an American flag?
You know what I think? I think screw you all. I think the person who made the choice to come to this country needs to accept ALL our rights and the same for those fortunate to be born here (like me, thank God). Nobody gets to pick and choose which ones you like and which ones only apply to you or me! That being said, to all you Americans that feel entitled and think you dont need to show other people respect..grow up. Understand we are all different, we all have different past and heritages and I am proud to be an AMERICAN..but I wont deny that I love my MEXICAN roots..so you ask me..when I wake up in the morning and pull that shirt over my head, will it be an American or Mexican flag..well if we are being honest, the only thing I know for sure is I will be wearing a shirt..because that is a law here in the land of the free..but personally I wont be wearing either flag..the colors for both flags clash with my eyes!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Mother's Day
Mother's Day comes once a year...once a year! To me as a mother, is sad. We should get one day a month at least..but I am not asking for a commercialized day of recognition. I dont want flowers or jewelry or anything nice. In fact I am asking that you dont spend money, cause I could use that money to buy groceries or new shoes for one of the kids. What I want is simple, but seems to be the hardest thing for anyone in MY house to do. I want someone (and by someone, I mean the other adult that lives in the house) to say, "hey, heres the remote, here is the best spot in the living room and the tv is already on the lifetime channel. Just relax and enjoy yourself, I will be washing the dishes and mopping the floors, doing the laundry and taming the kids." Followed by these things actually doing these things.
My Mothers Day started with my waking up and being told to go back to bed..ok, thats nice but please wake me up in 30 minutes because I have to still get myself and everyone else in the house ready for church. so 45 minutes later when I do wake up, I have to rush myself in the shower, but first I am stopped by my baby girl handing me a home made card. Filled with beautiful hearts and scribbles of loving messages. SO sweet. Now I shower and get everyone moving to go to church. Everything goes great.
My wonderful boyfriend hand made me a card that says how much he appreciates me and is thankful for me and i tear up. I know how he feels, I do, but to see those words in his handwriting and laid out so clearly..its so nice. Thank you.
My bro in law is making breakfast for all us mothers..we dont have to lift a finger! Awesome. He almost burned down my sis-in-law's house, but food was good..even better that I got to eat a hot meal and NOT have to serve anyone. Score 2 for mom.
We get home and the house isnt clean..not even a little. I spend most my weekends doing baseball and soccer and whatever else anyone else wants to do. Relax Lea, that is what I am told. OK. I will lay on the couch (waiting for my mothers day present). He disappears...the kids are napping (which I take as a gift in its self)..I stretch my ear to see if I can hear the water running and dishes getting cleaned..to see if the washer is going waiting for the arrival of the first load of dirty clothes...to hear anything that sounds like my dirty house gets clean..and I wait...and wait...what I can hear is him laughing at the tv show I am watching..I can here him finally fixing the light in the bathroom that hasnt worked in 2 weeks (another "gift" for me).
I finally get us all ready to go visit my mom for Mother's Day. Where the love of my life treats us to dinner (that I order) and where I have to yet again serve everyone and get up and get drinks..ok.
I end my day with stressing over how I am going to bring up the fact that if laundry doesnt get done, he will have no clean work clothes..that if I dont run to the store I wont have anything to make for lunch tomorrow, if I dont take the pizza box out then the house will smell like moldy pizza..how oh how do I bring it up without sounding like I am telling him to do this, or doing it myself..since I have strict orders to do NOTHING! NOTHING!
oh look, we need the water jugs filled, so he leaves to do that..yes! I throw in a load of laundry and gather the big things to throw out in the trash, but first I have to wipe down the bathroom and move the hose to the other tree, because I dont want the one he left the hose on is already flooding..by the time i get only 2 of those things done, my eyes are closing..its taking him a long time to get water..a long time, but I fall asleep so I dont really mind. He finally comes home with a bag and tells me that it was really hard to NOT get me something for Mother's Day (no I didnt forget earlier to tell you what I got, because I in fact had not recieved a gift). He sits down with me and I open the bag. I pull out a pair of capris (the right size! He does listen) and some tanks and an owl shirt (i love owls). I am impressed. So appreciated because I could always use more clothes! Thank you thank you thank you.
As we go to bed to watch a movie, I set the alarm and he reminds me to take my contacts out,(because I "forget" but the truth is I hate waking up and not being able to see right away). I mumble something to him about wanting to wait until I moved the clothes to the dryer (i really was counting on him falling asleep before me and sneaking out to do it lol)..oh of course that he hears! He gets mad at me..seriously upset with me that I would dare go against him and do SOMETHING. He tells me to that he would have managed without me doing laundry and that he would take care of it..ok. I take the contacts out and lay down. I hear faintly in the background.."thank you babe, i love you"..my favorite words. This hasnt turned out to be the worst mothers day ever..the next thing I know the alarm is going off and I am up. To kids crying, lunches that need to be made and a house that still has to be cleaned. MY day is over..this commercialized day that is set aside to let mothers know how much they are appreciated and loved..this day that we should do what WE want..the day for us.
So you ask me..am I complaining about how my day turned out? Am I sorry that I didnt get flowers or jewelry? Am I sad that when I wake up Monday morning, May 10, just another day, I have to get up, get lunches and breakfast made, make sure everyone is showered and out the door on time? Am I angry that those dishes are still dirty and the laundry still needs to be put away? Am I tired of taking out the old smelly pizza box?
I asked myself the same question this morning as I sat up in bed..and the answer is..a little. A little disappointed that my day wasnt this picture perfect mothers day that they showed us on that hallmark commercial. But my real disappoint comes from those damn commercials. Those damn cards that tell everyone that a mother should be served and waited on and should be showered with all those expensive or home made gifts! I am mad that "they" tell us that we should have a day..one day. I am angry that "they" tell us that we should expect all this.
I think we should get one day a month..no one day a week..better yet, one moment a day. And you want to know what?! I do. I get Mother's Day when my son comes home from his dad's house and he runs into my arms and hugs and kisses me. I get Mother's Day when my daughter makes me a picture or reads to me. I get Mother's Day when my step son runs across home plate and looks for me and smiles with that perfect "did you see me" smile. I get Mother's Day when my boyfriend squeezes me tight after a long day and tells me how jealous his co-workers are that he had a sack lunch with little love notes and tells me that yes in fact his wonderful women made it for him..because she wants to.
Mother's Day for me means nothing if it werent for those moments. I am not a mother because I get a day..I am the mother I am because I get all these little moments..because my family might act like spoiled brats..but damn it if they dont make up for it with those little moments.
So I say: SCREW YOU MOTHER'S DAY! I DONT NEED YOU! I DONT NEED YOUR HALLMARK CARDS OR EXPENSIVE FLOWERS! I DONT NEED TO LAY ON THE COUCH ALL DAY DOING NOTHING. TAKE YOUR DAY BACK! Its not for me.
Now having said all that..My birthday is next week. If I dont get to sleep in, and a clean house or a present..there will be hell to pay!!!!
My Mothers Day started with my waking up and being told to go back to bed..ok, thats nice but please wake me up in 30 minutes because I have to still get myself and everyone else in the house ready for church. so 45 minutes later when I do wake up, I have to rush myself in the shower, but first I am stopped by my baby girl handing me a home made card. Filled with beautiful hearts and scribbles of loving messages. SO sweet. Now I shower and get everyone moving to go to church. Everything goes great.
My wonderful boyfriend hand made me a card that says how much he appreciates me and is thankful for me and i tear up. I know how he feels, I do, but to see those words in his handwriting and laid out so clearly..its so nice. Thank you.
My bro in law is making breakfast for all us mothers..we dont have to lift a finger! Awesome. He almost burned down my sis-in-law's house, but food was good..even better that I got to eat a hot meal and NOT have to serve anyone. Score 2 for mom.
We get home and the house isnt clean..not even a little. I spend most my weekends doing baseball and soccer and whatever else anyone else wants to do. Relax Lea, that is what I am told. OK. I will lay on the couch (waiting for my mothers day present). He disappears...the kids are napping (which I take as a gift in its self)..I stretch my ear to see if I can hear the water running and dishes getting cleaned..to see if the washer is going waiting for the arrival of the first load of dirty clothes...to hear anything that sounds like my dirty house gets clean..and I wait...and wait...what I can hear is him laughing at the tv show I am watching..I can here him finally fixing the light in the bathroom that hasnt worked in 2 weeks (another "gift" for me).
I finally get us all ready to go visit my mom for Mother's Day. Where the love of my life treats us to dinner (that I order) and where I have to yet again serve everyone and get up and get drinks..ok.
I end my day with stressing over how I am going to bring up the fact that if laundry doesnt get done, he will have no clean work clothes..that if I dont run to the store I wont have anything to make for lunch tomorrow, if I dont take the pizza box out then the house will smell like moldy pizza..how oh how do I bring it up without sounding like I am telling him to do this, or doing it myself..since I have strict orders to do NOTHING! NOTHING!
oh look, we need the water jugs filled, so he leaves to do that..yes! I throw in a load of laundry and gather the big things to throw out in the trash, but first I have to wipe down the bathroom and move the hose to the other tree, because I dont want the one he left the hose on is already flooding..by the time i get only 2 of those things done, my eyes are closing..its taking him a long time to get water..a long time, but I fall asleep so I dont really mind. He finally comes home with a bag and tells me that it was really hard to NOT get me something for Mother's Day (no I didnt forget earlier to tell you what I got, because I in fact had not recieved a gift). He sits down with me and I open the bag. I pull out a pair of capris (the right size! He does listen) and some tanks and an owl shirt (i love owls). I am impressed. So appreciated because I could always use more clothes! Thank you thank you thank you.
As we go to bed to watch a movie, I set the alarm and he reminds me to take my contacts out,(because I "forget" but the truth is I hate waking up and not being able to see right away). I mumble something to him about wanting to wait until I moved the clothes to the dryer (i really was counting on him falling asleep before me and sneaking out to do it lol)..oh of course that he hears! He gets mad at me..seriously upset with me that I would dare go against him and do SOMETHING. He tells me to that he would have managed without me doing laundry and that he would take care of it..ok. I take the contacts out and lay down. I hear faintly in the background.."thank you babe, i love you"..my favorite words. This hasnt turned out to be the worst mothers day ever..the next thing I know the alarm is going off and I am up. To kids crying, lunches that need to be made and a house that still has to be cleaned. MY day is over..this commercialized day that is set aside to let mothers know how much they are appreciated and loved..this day that we should do what WE want..the day for us.
So you ask me..am I complaining about how my day turned out? Am I sorry that I didnt get flowers or jewelry? Am I sad that when I wake up Monday morning, May 10, just another day, I have to get up, get lunches and breakfast made, make sure everyone is showered and out the door on time? Am I angry that those dishes are still dirty and the laundry still needs to be put away? Am I tired of taking out the old smelly pizza box?
I asked myself the same question this morning as I sat up in bed..and the answer is..a little. A little disappointed that my day wasnt this picture perfect mothers day that they showed us on that hallmark commercial. But my real disappoint comes from those damn commercials. Those damn cards that tell everyone that a mother should be served and waited on and should be showered with all those expensive or home made gifts! I am mad that "they" tell us that we should have a day..one day. I am angry that "they" tell us that we should expect all this.
I think we should get one day a month..no one day a week..better yet, one moment a day. And you want to know what?! I do. I get Mother's Day when my son comes home from his dad's house and he runs into my arms and hugs and kisses me. I get Mother's Day when my daughter makes me a picture or reads to me. I get Mother's Day when my step son runs across home plate and looks for me and smiles with that perfect "did you see me" smile. I get Mother's Day when my boyfriend squeezes me tight after a long day and tells me how jealous his co-workers are that he had a sack lunch with little love notes and tells me that yes in fact his wonderful women made it for him..because she wants to.
Mother's Day for me means nothing if it werent for those moments. I am not a mother because I get a day..I am the mother I am because I get all these little moments..because my family might act like spoiled brats..but damn it if they dont make up for it with those little moments.
So I say: SCREW YOU MOTHER'S DAY! I DONT NEED YOU! I DONT NEED YOUR HALLMARK CARDS OR EXPENSIVE FLOWERS! I DONT NEED TO LAY ON THE COUCH ALL DAY DOING NOTHING. TAKE YOUR DAY BACK! Its not for me.
Now having said all that..My birthday is next week. If I dont get to sleep in, and a clean house or a present..there will be hell to pay!!!!
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